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I don’t have any friend. I have no one to talk to or explain how sad I am. It’s very hard to know a new guy. It’s very hard to make a conversation with a stranger at least to me. I start looking at him, a stranger, and searching for any thing to say but what. It’s very hard to find how to start talking. What I should say how I say it. And if I say anything and the other one replies then it is very hard to proceed. Oh God why I am always supposed to start again and again. I am boring, every one stop the conversation after a little time of starting. I know I am boring. It’s very obvious in their eyes, silly smiles and turning their faces away while I am talking to them. It’s very rude to turn your face while someone try to be nice and talk to you. All I am saying is ‘ please pretend to be friendly even you think that guy in-front of you is boring’. I say many complements to others I smile to them all the time during conversation to prevent that. Every one say I speak with low voice but I think I am heard. It’s very common that when I talk no one hearing me no one listening to me. I say hello to someone but he doesn’t respond I am sure if he hears, he will replies but I am sure also that my voice isn’t that low. Why they always don’t hearing my voice. Sometimes I think I am just a soul without a physical body. No one sees me no one hears me. It’s very painful when you like somebody very much and when you say hey to him, he doesn’t remember your name. I am surprised how I think that person is very special to me while he doesn’t remember my name. how I suppose to have new friends without be heard or seen. I also have this fear from any group more than two persons. More number more harder. I prefer to kill my self than speaking in front of a group of people starring at you all the time I only need one friend each time to talk to him. To tell him how lucky I am to have him. Sharing hobbies and talking all the night are very great. I tried to chat but I am not convinced with that. I need a friend with flesh and blood. I need to see his face while I am talking. It is very important to see your friend’s face. Smile or frown, understand or lose you. It’s very important to see his eyes. I read the eyes very well. I know when someone nods but he doesn’t follow me. If he lies or tells the truth. I am sick of searching for a friend I will not find him because I am not a social person I am not noticed in public places I have nothing to impress people.
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i hardly see any1 myself. that’s mainly because i don’t want to. i mainly have contact over the phone. but it is hard when u want that human contact,but u just don’t know how to connect. are there any support groups in your area? it’s a lot easier if your in an enviroment where people are dealing w/similar issues.
Comment by candor 09.24.07 @ 10:08 pm