Hard Times

I’ve tried many times to find out what triggers my depression. Nothing is really happened to make me feel like that. So, why? Why I feel so badly about my self. In fact, I have those thoughts but really I do nothing. They are just bad thoughts. I did some mistakes in the past but now I’ve stopped. If some one talks to me badly or some one ignores me for some reason or if I say hey to some one and he doesn’t hear me; all that makes me feeling depressed for many days. My father always says that I am so sensitive.

I’ve disappointed my family many times. I don’t care about my self but it is really hurt me when I disappoint anybody. When I was kid, I was involved in a race in my school. “Go to the wall then come back quickly” that was what my teacher said. I started to run, I was very fast, and I was the first one who reached the wall and then suddenly when I began to complete the race, I started to slow down, I didn’t know why but I lost my race although it was easy for me to win. That’s a brief of my life.

I feel terrible when I find myself in a conflict with any body for any reason. This is very painful. When I say painful I truly mean pain. I feel the pain in my heart as if someone is squeezing my heart. So, I always avoid facing anybody for any reason. I refuse also to take my responsibilities towards anything. I am always the loser.