Hard Times

I used to play chess in high school. It was a nightmare whenever I played a new game. There were tremors during the game. My dominant hand and my head also were shaking slightly but obviously. Everybody made fun of me because of that. I was trying to stop that tremor but I couldn’t. I was almost the winner but because of those over worried feelings I lost many times.

The game turned to a very painful experince. Pain in my heart , tremor, sweating and stammering. So I have stopped playing chess.

That is not restricted to chess. I have this feeling in many situations. If I argue with my father about something or if I try to explain to a stranger anything or if I speak against a group of people, no matter who they are, I have this feeling. I avoid anything causes this feeling whatever I lose or sacrifice.

In work, I avoid asking for my rights and if someone takes what he doesn’t deserve I prefere not to argue about that. I don’t like being like that but I look weird when people see me on this status. They think I am afraid of them. I am not afraid of people but my body is.