Hard Times

I found this old diaries and it seems I’ve suffered from sever depression since I was in college. I was in love with one girl who was in the same year with me. Although it has lasted for four years, we have never spoken. When I read this diaries I feel I will never change. It is totally the same feelings. I’ve written this just before the exam. Read with me please.

“My life turns to black whenever I remember the practice exam. It’s so hard to wait all that time imagining what I’ll do, how I’ll do and if I’ll success or not.

Bad chances I have, bad decisions I take and bad days I live. You can’t imagine how much moments look like dark nights. I really suffer from this life and I won’t tolerate any more. No, no more harmful moments. No, no more bad luck. No, no more tears and suffering.

I can’t over come this life any more. My limited years are passed very fast and I was not pleased with the last ones.

Some times they say that I am lucky to be myself. However the truth is that I would be really happy if I was another person. Another man lives in another place and another time. That man, I think, should be more proud of himself and also so brave. To be loved you should be like him.

How bad are my words? Without meaning, without aims and without power. I may cut this paper into tiny parts because I have no intention to let any one read it. I don’t want any body to read my words. To know my suffering and my bad days. To know my thoughts. To find out my position in this life and how small and how weakness I am.”